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The continuing saga of a wholly irreverent new way of reviewing albums! It's like sitting in a room with a bunch of jaded music critics and getting a snapshot of how they feel about an album. Honesty and first impressions are the key to the Bargain Basement.
(opinions expressed may not hold true after repeated listenings to albums)

 

Alaska! - Rescue Through Tomahawk

Ruby:
I bet this would be better without all the skipping… what I can hear, I like.
Oswald: Sds lke grg rck srt f mmlies mts knks fffffffff. Kngs f ln.
Sirhaan: A little fast for my taste.
Hinckley: Skips around a lot. TiVo for the ADD crowd.
Love: skipping, broken disc music. The most beautiful music I never heard.
(ed. note: this CD was broken, but we didn't realize it until into the review)

Angiescreams - Radio

Ruby:
This is Spacehog playing Led Zeppelin songs. Epic and wonderful, excellent production, not much new.
Oswald: Patronizing cock rock vocals, this dude gets chicks, but not the ones you want.
Sirhaan: No one wants another Guns'N'Roses. I predict pretty boy looks like Axle in 5 years.
Hinckley: Very handsome.
Love: Slo-mo Axl Rose. The music is ok.

The Bangkok Five - 10 The Hard Way

Ruby:
More jumpy disco-new-rock… move over Franz, now there's something rockinger. Straight up solid rock'n'roll.
Oswald: Aerosmith, spot on. Sleazy, energetic, and completely irrelevant.
Sirhaan: Same vocals as The Killers. Just about rocks the same.
Hinckley: Straight-ahead rock, sounds like your favorite denim jacket went out drinking with high school drop-outs.

Billy Brush - Lair

Ruby:
Brilliant keyboard music ranging from Bach-ish pieces to Freur-style techno. Varied and beautiful, but weird.
Oswald: Smooth, cool and seductive. Pink Floyd & Tangerine Dream.
Sirhaan: Music for the adult contemporist that isn't an adult yet.
Hinckley: Swirly, faraway, movie-ready, very professional, ornamental, car commercial music.

Jason Dove - Pronto

Ruby:
The rockingest indie rock record in indie rock. Kid's got identity problems… sometimes cool, though.
Oswald: Half turtleneck-ivy-league-come-down music, half hopped up on Golden Earring stoner rock.
Sirhaan: Multiple personality band, sadly with no likeable personalities.
Hinckley: Boring in a pleasant way. Needs a lot of editing.
Love: The Edgar Winter thing kind of throws me off. What the fuck?

Elliston - When Caught In A Panic

Ruby:
Which one is the evil twin? This guy, or Connor Oberst? Just as good.
Oswald: Legendary Pink Dots plus Bowie… Very enjoyable. Switches styles like shirts.
Sirhaan: A modern day Billy Joel, but way, WAY better.
Hinckley: Elliott Smith-ion, except he hasn't found the inner strangth to plunge a knife into his chest.

Ghosty - Grow Up Or Sleep In

Ruby:
This must be Andy Partridge's cooler younger cousin who wears designer jeans and black t-shirts.
Oswald: Intentionally annoying Todd Rundgren shit. Piss off, jerky.
Sirhaan: Wow! They sound just like (insert-any-indie-rock-band-here).
Hinckley: XTC, Pavement, Sebadoh, The Saints, Mad-Lib… That genre.
Love: Jagged, brash piano pop. I will now go kill several persons, thanks.

The Kind Strangers - Still Building

Ruby:
Low-beat semi-electronic pop. Modernized Pet Shop Boys without super-techno. Sharp sounds, nice grooves.
Oswald: Whines like a guy begging for sex. White R&B, like Justin Timberlake doing slow jams.
Sirhaan: A kind stranger would put this band out of their misery.
Hinckley: Uber 80's slow pop. Double, Spandau Ballet - cool atmosphere but lacks emotion.

Mohave - Clear Blue Trickling

Ruby:
Schizophrenic Orlando country-folk-rock stuff. Good musicianship, but I'm a bit confused. Are they funny?
Oswald: The first song is HOT! Elvis on fire. Then hand-jive, bluegrass, and ska-rap. Make a choice.
Sirhaan: It's not funny to be funny. Pick a genre and do it well.
Hinckley: Novelty Elvis featured in a musical about a carnival.
Love: Please choose a style and call us back.

Mon Frere - Real Vampires E.P.

Ruby:
Fucking Brilliant! Awesome female vocalist over schizophrenic music styles. Great musical tension, great sounds.
Oswald: Course Of Empire or Cop Shoot cop fronted by Poly Styrene. Very cool & soulful.
Sirhaan: Old School Gwen Stefani voice fronting a winning EMP pop band.
Hinckley: Thought it was going to be Frente! Thank God they rock. Sexy stuff.

New England Roses - Face Time With Son

Ruby:
Music that almost isn't. So slow and quiet… at least they don't keep parents awake.
Oswald: Minimalist, Velvet Underground vibe. No concern for key, yet feels good.
Sirhaan: Almost good… but just not.
Hinckley: Good music for rowing a lifeboat.
Love: Outsider Art Music. Beatnigs. Bootsauce.

Thao Nguyen - Like The Linen

Ruby:
Folky Edie Brickell style songs. Entrancing voice, clever lyrics, cool sounds, excellent production, great songs.
Oswald: Joni Mitchell on a Tom Waits bender. Hip girl making folk cool. Smile-inducing.
Sirhaan: Good ingredients, decently shaken and mixed, then well baked. I find it yummy.
Hinckley: Brilliant lyrics. Turns a phrase with simple wording… but expresses complex ideals sweetly.

Pattern Is Movement - Stowaway

Ruby:
Well recorded math rock. Awesome if you can disconnect long enough. Interesting and mobile.
Oswald: Awkward - Michael Stipe gone angular. Music played through a prism. Disjointed.
Sirhaan: Is this math rock? Or post rock?
Hinckley: Honor student's thesis math rock.

Poop Yer Pants - Poop Yer Pants

Ruby:
Epic indie rock - chock full of noisy guitars, great melodies… a noisier version of Real People.
Oswald: Exactly what the name implies, only not as funny.
Sirhaan: Reminds me of some forgotten mid-nineties band. I sure liked that band.
Hinckley: Clever, daydream-like folksy rock. Not much vocal range.

Tim Reale - Story

Ruby:
Glittering Americana pop. Growly vocals over jangly alt-country. Great guitars, well-written songs, cool vibe.
Oswald: Like forced labor listening to his strained vocal rhythms. Uninspired, plodding songs.
Sirhaan: Singer/songwriter Dylan style for the musically simple.
Hinckley: I like Wilco, too, Tim. And the Replacements. But I don't imitate them.

Solea - Solea

Ruby:
Uplifting modern rock - excellent guitar work, nice laid back songs. Just good rock music.
Oswald: Beige rock. Not bad, but not gripping. The kids will like it.
Sirhaan: Despite waiting for the Jesus loves you line, it isn't too bad.
Hinckley: Rocking in a thoughtful, inspirational way.
Love: The modern version of the band in "Do That Thing You Do".

This Is A Process Of A Still Life - Light

Ruby:
Beautiful ambient rock. Enough movement to captivate, not so much to disturb. Perfect sleepy music.
Oswald: Dreamy, pleasant… watching plants grow in fast motion music.
Sirhaan: Really mellow and very very nice.
Hinckley: Pretty & sad, like an elegant widow or waking up from a coma.
Love: If you were stranded in outer space, what one album would you want?

Two Year Touqe - The Midi West

Ruby:
On the indie side of jangle rock… poppy and very clever. Smart, fun, goofy, excellent.
Oswald: What Poop Yer Pants should be… funny and dorky. Crazy Mary/They Might Be Giants.
Sirhaan: Fun, hip, Paul & Paula. My six-year-old will dig it, but so do I.
Hinckley: Perverted playskool; fun, entertaining birthday party jusic for adolescents who skip multiple grades.

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Mike Doughty



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