"I swore I would love you till the end of time …"

An Open Letter to the Two Remaining Tenors

Dear Sirs,

It is with the silent grief of a hundred empty opera houses that this letter finds you - every condolence and comforting prayer has accompanied you since the passing of Luciano Pavarotti and hopefully your anguish has subsided today. There is nothing that can lessen the impact of losing not only the world's most famous tenor but a peer, friend and collaborator, and yet it is with the utmost respect that history begs you to continue on as a threesome.

Why a threesome? While duos have undoubtedly made profound contributions to the world of music (Rodgers & Hammerstein, Lennon & McCartney, Simon & Garfunkel, Jagger & Richards, Morvan & Pilatus) the loss of one member is very final and damaging to not only the bypassed partner but the newly fledged solo artist as well. What solo album by any of these artists is independently outstanding as compared to the work crafted in collaboration? None of these - and that is why the magic of a duo is tremulous and doomed from inception.

No sirs, much as outstanding toothpaste must fight gingivitis, prevent tooth decay AND whiten teeth so it goes with music that a threesome is always more sound with the following simple reasoning - as partnerships, the level of commitment defined to one another in a threesome makes it doubly difficult to leave (The Andrews Sisters, Hanson, The Beastie Boys). Think beyond music and you will see that the greatest collaborations in the history of not only music but the human history of the earth involve threesomes. Whether it was for world war (Hitler, Mussolini & Emperor Hirohito), world dominance (Roosevelt, Churchill & Stalin), world peace (Carter, Begin & Saddat), world salvation (The Three Wise Men) or world takeover (Non, Zod & Ursa), a triumvirate has always proved spectacular while the very fatal flaw of duo has been more disappointing.

Please re-consider adding a third tenor and continuing your legacy.

Difficult as it may seem to believe, there is a worthy replacement - an over-achieving student of opera who has been overlooked for far too long. Please consider the great American tenor Meatloaf as an almost suitable replacement for Mr. Pavarotti. While understandably nobody will ever be able to fully replace Mr. Pavarotti, Mr. Loaf sizes up well for the task. One listen to "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" or "I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do that)" and you will both recognize that Mr. Loaf cares not one whit for rock 'n roll convention, never limiting himself to 4, 5, or even 12 minutes per song. Meatloaf would allow the rich tradition of the Three Tenors to continue - slightly changed - but no worse for the next generation who are just now beginning to understand the majesty and power of opera.

Should you choose to audition Meatloaf, your exposure to the fickle winds of popular culture would further shape your legacy while your place in history's greatest voices, cemented long ago, would be admired from beyond. It is what Pavarotti himself would have wanted.

Also, you should consider taking the stage by motorcycles.

-William Cadillac Donovan

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