Something is rotten in the Forbidden City. Metaphorically, of course; the place is way too fucking spotless and colorful for real decay. Let’s go over some of the problems. The King is poisoning his wife, diminishing her mental faculties one day at a time. The Queen has become aware of the poisoning, but has no choice but to drink the tea provided to her every day (because she is “sick”). The crown prince proves himself time and time again to be a weakling in politics, intrigue, and drama. He can hardly keep the blades out of his body. To make matters worse, he is the only son of the King’s first wife. The King’s second son has proven himself to be stronger than the first. He has ambition, ability, and adaptability. Perhaps he would make a more fitting heir. And, of course, there is the third son. Despite technically being the youngest, he is the middle child of the Tang dynasty. Nobody cares about him or cares what he does. Maybe that could prove to be a problem.

From the first trailer I saw for this flick, I was reminded of my class on film in high school. We watched some of the trademark Kurosawa works, like Seven Samurai and Ran. Towards the end of his career, Kurosawa began to lose his sight and was probably not aware of this. He saturated Ran in colors so rich that if it weren’t for the vicious battles and mad king, I would have thought I was watching a Disney movie. That’s kind of how I felt watching Curse Of The Golden Flower, except I know there’s no failing sight involved here. The sets, costumes, and cinematography all emphasize the extravagance of the era. Hundreds of servants work tirelessly at their single tasks, and there are hundreds of different tasks to do. On top of all these underlings sit a single family. Most of the time that’s all the film is conveying. But I will admit, it’s quite impressive to see pure excess given form. The entire courtyard of the Forbidden City gets ritualistically filled with courtiers, flowers, soldiers, siege machines, dead soldiers, janitors, and flowers again. That’s a lot of work; I’m sure the production company behind it can vouch for that.

So what’s in this movie besides lots of gold and flowers? A lot of intrigue, a good portion of drama, a little martial arts action, and a small army of “ninjas” specializing in the howling spider monkey style. Frankly, I wish the intrigue was condensed, the drama toned down, the action toned up. I’m perfectly satisfied with the amount and intensity of ninjas. But going back to my critiques, I just found there to be far too much time spent on each individual piece of court secrecy. Less screen time and more complexity would have suited me better. As for the drama… do you remember the last scene in Star Wars Episode III, the one where the new Vader screams in agony upon hearing Padme’s fate? In the theater I saw that in, people burst out laughing (myself included). Curse Of The Golden Flower didn’t have anything quite as bad, but there were chuckles on a few occasions. Melodrama can be quite funny, but it has no place outside of a comedy. Lastly, I expected more action from the director of Hero and House Of Flying Daggers.

My recommendation? Go see Hamlet (Ethan Hawke > Kenneth Branagh > Mel Gibson).

—Duncan Wright