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Arianna Huffington isn’t going to love me. Huffington recently penned
a column in which she stated that anyone who doesn’t get that
warm, fuzzy feeling from the further adventures of Elle Woods
is probably emotionally deadened and definitely not her kind
of person. Ms. Woods (Witherspoon), last seen at her
Harvard law school graduation, now takes on the Washington
establishment in a quixotic cause—animal testing. The idea
that any legislator would seriously sign on to such legislation
in these parlous Republican times clues the viewer that this
is fantasy, yet Legally Blonde 2 does not possess sufficient
charm to allow one to let go of logic and just have a good
time. Actually, it was dead boring.
Too bad. Witherspoon is a young actress with a lot going
for her. This, after all, is the woman whose wonderful talents
gave us Tracy Flick of Election, the slutty sister
of Pleasantville, the girlfriend of American Psycho.
It’s a shame she’s squandering these talents on easy paychecks
like the dreadful Sweet Home Alabama, which should
have led Southerners everywhere to rise again in outrage,
and the Legally Blonde franchise.
It’s also too bad that Eve Ahlert and Dennis Drake
should have been entangled in this debacle. Having proven
themselves adroit at silly spoofing with their script for
Down With Love, they were promoted to the varsity-level
fluffery of Legally Blonde 2, where they fumbled the
ball.
In LB2, Woods’ plans for her gala wedding come a cropper
when, while composing the guest list, she discovers that the
mother of her chihuahua, Bruiser (Moondoggie), is imprisoned
in the VERSACE animal-testing labs. (That’s VEt Research And
Critter Exploitation, and the use of this far-fetched name
as an emblem of badness must be nothing compared to the exposure
to be gained from frequent, prominent mention in this movie.)
Her proposal to challenge animal testing costs Elle her job
at a swanky law firm, and leads her to take Bruiser’s fight
to the real arena—Congress. Landing in the office of Massachusetts
Congresswoman Victoria Rudd (Field, to whom plucky
Elle does bear a perky resemblance), Elle drafts the legislation
and is promptly bitch-slapped by anti-blonde prejudice and
“procedure,” in the person of Rudd’s top aide, the by-the-book,
no-nonsense Grace (King). Naturally it’s up to Elle
to subvert the process and show that one person who cares
can Make A Difference. This is undoubtedly the part of the
movie that got Ms. Huffington so choked up that she favorably
compared these 95 minutes of exposed film to Mr. Smith
Goes To Washington.
There are many ways in which LB2 falls far short of
Frank Capra’s classic, but I particularly wish to address
one, as it’s one that has haunted a number of recent movies—plots
that have simple-minded, symmetrical shit? Every door that
opens must, eventually, be seen to close. Surely the industry
cannot be well-served by steady production of movies that
rigidly conform to a convention that makes for great fairy-tale
storytelling but insipid films. I am a frequent moviegoer,
I’m not well-served by it, and I lay the blame on the need
to secure a PG-13 rating. Those who are too young to get into
R-rated movies drive production. No offense, kids, but stuff
is being dumbed down in order to target you as an audience,
and frankly, you should be offended. End of rant, back to
our regularly scheduled programming.
Actually, LB2 is much more like a plate of leftovers
from Legally Blonde, than the continuing adventures
of. If you liked the first serving—and I confess to having
been underwhelmed and unamused by it—there’ll be something
tasty for you in what they’re dishing out here. There’ll be
a sort of a makeover. There’ll be important stuff that happens
at a salon. Stuff will get done via non-traditional networking.
Jennifer Coolidge is back. Normally Coolidge’s presence
is good news, but here she’s a disappointing caricature of
the Paulette of the first movie. Luke Wilson just walks
on and walks off, in a very small role as Emmett, Elle’s intended.
You’d never know this was the same guy whose take on obsessive
love in The Royal Tenenbaums was simultaneously touching
and funny. Consummately professional Bob Newhart shows
up as Elle’s Fairy Godfather, a doorman who coaches her through
Capitol quagmires and gives her legislative tips for no good
reason. Guess that’s just what Fairy Godfathers do. At any
rate, Newhart’s left eyebrow is funnier than the rest of the
cast, put together. Sally Field seems to be trading a lot
of really fine acting work for guest-shots in popular filmed
entertainment. Here, she gets to do little more than walk
in and walk out, but at least they gave her some fabulous
suits to do it in.
I took cheer in the last quarter of the movie from some nifty
’60s-style kaleidoscopic shots of buildings and buses merging
and splitting apart, but one shouldn’t have to rely on literal
eye candy for one’s jollies. Dog fanciers will find ample
opportunities to enjoy shots of well-groomed dogs performing
cute stunts, and will no doubt be heartened, in the face of
the Supremes’ recent decision in Lawrence et al. v. Texas,
to see that the rights of gay and lesbian animal companions
are not ignored in our nation’s Capitol. There’s also yet
another cinematic use of the tired refrain, “bow-wow-wow,
yippie-yo, yippie-yay, bow-wow, yippie-yo, yippie-yay.”
I’m spitting into the wind here, but I have to tell you that
Legally Blonde 2 is a dreadful movie. It’s a waste
of your time and Reese Witherspoon’s talents. It’s boring
and unfunny. Why don’t you rent Election instead? After
all, Tracy Flick goes to Washington…
—Roxanne Bogucka
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