Anyone remember the days where we had some good buddy action movies
like 48 Hours? Well I don’t because I wasn’t
around yet, but watching a movie like The Man certainly
made me wish I could. This new feature is pretty symbolic of how
much Master Jackson’s career has degenerated
in playing such a complete and utterly ridiculous caricature of
himself and his past roles. Dave Chappelle nailed
it rather excellently with, “No, I won’t stop yelling!
This is how I talk!”
And so Jackson is relegated to playing yet another tough hard-ass
who likes to curse and say things like, “I’ll beat you
like a runaway slave!” or better yet, “It’s a
tasty burger.” I shit you not. It’s even much, much
worse than when Jackson replaced Richard Roundtree
in Shaft. And sorry Mr. Jackson, but you are not the man
who would risk his neck for his brother man.
In this movie, which looks like it was shot last weekend, Andy
Fidler (Levy) is a dental supply salesman from
Wisconsin. He’s in Detroit for a day for a convention involving
his business. Unfortunately for him, and all of us, he gets mixed
up in a gun deal set up by ATF agent Derrick Vann (Jackson). Vann’s
trying to get back some stolen guns in a heist his late and dirty
partner was involved in, and Fidler is mistaken as a buyer for the
guns by dealer Joey Trent (Goss, formerly of the
Bros). So of course Vann keeps getting stuck with using Fidler as
his partner. And Fidler must try and crack Vann’s rough exterior
and teach him to trust and love again! How sweet.
There’s no plot anywhere in this less than an hour and a half
of pure, unmitigated torture. It’s all about the unorthodox
pairing of Levy and Jackson, most of the material being more annoying
than funny, unless you find Jackson reacting out of disgust from
Levy’s flatulence in his car funny.
If you work with the ACLU, I’d recommend filing a lawsuit
against director Les Mayfield, screenwriters Piddock,
Oberman, and Carpenter as well as New
Line Cinema for their encouragement and glorification in depicting
excessive amounts of police brutality. Just kidding, but seriously,
I can only watch Jackson roughing up his suspects and running them
down with his pimpmobile so many times. Sammy, it’s not 1994
anymore. You’re pushing 60, and its time to grow up.
To the readers, your hard-earned money is best spent elsewhere.
Cowboy Bebop: Remix is due out on Tuesday you know?
—Jeffrey “The Vile One” Harris