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After vainly trying to get past the red rope at the more
desirable San Fran clubs, my Filipino headbanger friend Dean
Martin and I relegated ourselves to our favorite pastime
of harassing hookers. Well an hour or so of shouting out,
"Five dollars for me and my friend!" can make a
hooligan a might peckish. So we hit the drive-thru and continued
prowling. As we’re searching for more wayward ladies to set
straight, we rolled past the most shockingly hideous mini-skirted
toll troll I have ever seen in my life. This woman looked
like she had just beaten someone to death with her face and
then eaten them. Time slowed so that we could memorize the
agonizing sight. Pie eyed, with my mouth full of hamburger
sammich, I realized I was about to miss the opportunity of
a lifetime. Looking for an assist from Deano, I saw that his
mouth was also full, and agape with disgust. And then we heard
it. From somewhere out of what passed for this Sleestak’s
face came, "Those are the two ugliest motherfuckers
I have ever seen!" Well that was it; we shot our load,
spewing whopper all over the interior of the car.
I like to think that the song "Plak!" is about
that horrible whore, since the local is accurate down to the
cross-street. This tale of a discharged vagina is sort of
the response to "Detachable Penis" [King Missile].
Slow mild funk backs cute double entendres while clever cartoon
vocals make smart harmonies. It’s inline with the stuff Pfilbryte
puts out, but more successful here. The fast-paced "Sherry"
on the other hand, doesn’t have the story to back it up and
therefore comes across as one hairy areola joke stretched
too far. Paul Kirk’s happy bass is the highlight. With
Kelly Amthor in the sidecar it sounds like Richard
& Mimi Farina electrified. Musically, "Take A
Bus" brings back 60’s collegiate groups like The Association.
The chorus, "You know full well that that’s a crock
of shit" recalls the old-time favorite "Shaving
Cream." "Notice Me" is more lyrically innocuous.
Very upbeat with warm lounge-jazz guitar work from David
Graham. Kirk sounds a lot like singer/producer Jim
Greer on a fun tour of mall dwelling suburbanites called
"Sucker" It’s like a preview of upcoming shows on
the WB. The Mitchell Brothers are gonna be pissed
about the biting commentary in "Strip Club". The
hilarious lyrics "Abscessed tits" and "She
used to have a dick and a ballsack like her dad"
could get The Beanweevils whacked. (Or included in
the settlement.) The Primus inspired "Deadhead"
is as boring as the burnout they sing about. But the Steve
and Edie styling of "Everybody’s Out To Fuck You"
is super cool. Amthor sings more dirty words very sweetly,
and Kirk proves that he can really sing when he’s trying to
cheese it up. He slips back into nasal Barnes & Barnes
goofiness on the junkie tale "I’m Sooo Happy". There’s
a nice 60’s throwback on the organ and sleazy bass that could
have been explored more. And although "Hello My Friend"
isn’t Neil Diamond, it takes on an unexpected seriousness.
With the juvenile antics put aside, the bland Oasis
sounding tune slips into mediocrity.
A lot of work went into making the production clean on these
dirty songs. And it’s a refreshing irreverence. But the musical
talent seems misused on sub-par material. Overall it feels
The Beanweevils prefer yelling at streetwalkers more than
striving to get into the good clubs.
On a scale of SF gentlemen’s clubs: If Market Street Cinema
is a one and Chez Paree is a ten, The Beanweevils rates
a six, Crazy Horse.
— Ewan Wadharmi
Track Listing:
- Take A Bus
- Plak!
- Sherry
- Notice Me
- Sucker
- Strip Club
- Deadhead
- Everybody’s Out To Fuck You
- I’m Sooo Happy
- Hello, My Friend
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