Wow. WOW. My grandmother, or someone's grandmother, once told
a younger me that if I couldn't say anything nice not to say anything
at all. Alas, my editor wants a review from me. So here it is,
a review on Poison's Poison'd.
There's just something about Poison, perhaps it is the lyrics
of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and "I Want Action,"
which are currently stuck in my head, that screams karaoke. Perhaps
because I choose to evoke images of acid-washed and neon-accessorized
glory, not dark figures with long hair who allegedly bit off the
heads of little animals. (I know, I know that was Ozzy,
but bear with me
) For some reason, at the tender age of
four or five, I often found myself in the care of my then-teenage
uncles in a basement lair adorned with posters of skinny men with
long hair, tight pants and intense eye makeup. Images of Ozzy,
Motley Crue, Van Halen, Poison, et cetera, and their
head-banging music were a source of fear for me 20-odd years ago,
causing me to resist stepping off the bottom stair or venturing
more than an arm's reach from an uncle.
Luckily, no more. Now, thanks to this album, I will no longer
be startled by the sight of a VH1 Behind the Music or an E! True
Hollywood Story on one of the many '80s hair or heavy metal bands.
Instead, I can just laugh, because this album reminds me of bad
karaoke. With that same intensity I've witnessed at various karaoke
nights, Bret Michaels and the boys, C.C. Deville,
Rikki Rockett and Bobby Dall, offer up 13 covers
on Poison'd. From Jim Croce to The Cars to
KISS and David Bowie, the band taints songs I don't
even have a real affinity for. I get that the members of Poison
want to make money and steal a few more moments in the spotlight.
Everybody's doing it. But come on, when was the last time they
released new material? 1990? 1991? Write something or your own,
hell, have something written for you, but must you really send
an album of covers out into the world?
One thing is for sure, the band sure Poison'd those 13
P.S. Bret Michaels has his own reality tv show. And though
I can't endorse it, I might watch an episode, 'cause who doesn't
enjoy watching a
you know what? Nevermind. I can't say
1. Little Willy
2. Suffragette City
3. I Never Cry
4. I Need to Know
5. Can't You See
6.What I Like About You
7. Dead Flowers
8. Just What I Needed
9. Rock And Roll All Nite
10. Squeeze Box
11. Don't Mess Around With Jim
12. Your Mama Don't Dance
13. We're An American Band
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