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From out of the east ride two bleary eyed strangers to listen to music and make you laugh. Joined this month by Chow Pipsqueak, Rux and Skid take on the mythological beast that is:

email us with your comments or hate: Upstarts@hybridmagazine.com

 

 

-nebraska-

Chow: Sounds like they’re drywalling.

Skid: Vrrrrt. Uhhh, Bruce Springsteen?

Rux: This album is called “Nebraska.”

Chow: I thought this was Blues Traveller.

Skid: Here he goes, mouthen harpen. Queen of the harpies.

Rux: Have any of us heard this record?

Skid: I have not. I’ve heard of it.

Chow: I’ve been to Nebraska a couple times.

Rux: I visited recently.

Skid: I’ve never been to Nebraska, but I kinda like that music.

Chow: I’ve been to Nebraska but I’ve never been to me.

Rux: Hey we’ve got a special guest with us.

Skid: Chow.

Rux: It’s the Chow.

Chow: Chow’s on the mike. Mike.

Skid: Her blue tongue, he says. She’s sucking on a Chupa Chupa.

Chow: Yeah, they know what causes that.

Skid: Which is redundant. She’s sucking on a suck suck.

Rux: Pachupa chip, the suck chip.

Skid: Speaking of sucking on a suck suck…Bruce Springsteen.

Rux: But listen, he’s being all mellow.

Skid: That’s Nebraska.

Rux: Remember when he started and he was bad? And then, now he’s bad? So in between somewhere he did a decent record.

Skid: And this was it, you’re saying?

Rux: Yeah, probably. A lot of the Springsteen fans I hear really dig this particular record.

Chow: Oh yeah, it’s big in Jersey.

Rux: Is it big in Nebraska?

Chow: Oh yeah.

Skid: It’s even bigger in Texas. Now my whole thing I don’t understand… is he from south Jersey? Because how can you be from Jersey and sing like, (drawls) Hey lil girl is yer daddy gawn? Did he greff mrph premph…

Rux: This is the best time for me to take the opportunity to say there is no such thing as south Jersey, dude.

Skid: South of Hoboken.

Rux: It’s about this big. (shows his Frank Jr)

Skid: Then why does he sing like he’s from…

Chow: Nebraska?

Skid: What gives?

Rux: I don’t know. Let’s ask him.

Skid: What gives, Bruce?

Rux: Let’s call his mouthpiece.

Skid: Dylan doesn’t sing like that.

Rux: Yeah, Dylan sings like Kermit The Frog.

Skid: Only when he’s been in a motorcycle accident.

Rux: You’re alleging that he sounded different before the accident?

Skid: Yeah! He sounded like Marianne Faithful before she smoked 20 packs a day.

Rux: You know who likes Marianne Faithful?

Skid: Bruce Springsteen?

Rux: Chow.

Skid: I like Marianne Faithful.

Chow: I like Bob Dylan.

Rux: You like Mary un-faithful? I like Mary pretty faithful myself.

Skid: Du ya?

Chow: Speaking of Dylan, it sounds like Bruce is trying to bring it to the table on here with a little Dylanesque…

Rux: A little Dylan space?

Chow: A little Dylan. Not Jacob Dylan, but still a little Dylan.

Rux: So if Jacob Dylan wants to distance himself from his father…why doesn’t he call himself Jacob Zimmerman?

Skid:  I did.

Chow: OK, if Blues Traveller and Jacob Dylan had an arm-wrestling competition…

Rux: I’d pick the guys from Blues Traveller.

Chow: I think we’d all win.

Skid: Did you see John Popper in that movie Spirit of ’76?

Chow: Oh I’ve seen John Popper alright. (laughter)

Skid: He did pop a guy in that movie.

Rux: Oh did he?

Skid: Yeah.  That’s another good band nowadays, Papa Guy.

Rux: Spirit of ’76 huh? What’s that about.

Skid: It’s about David Cassidy and Redd Kross.

Rux: The band Redd Kross? With two d’s and a k?

Skid: And Leif Garrett’s got a little bit part in there.

Rux: Shut up. How can it be about David Cassidy AND Redd Kross?

Skid: You know, it’s kind of like Sid & Marty Kroft. Somebody was on drugs and they made the movie.

Chow: Aren’t we all, in our own special way, about Redd Kross AND David Cassidy?

Skid: The lucky ones are.

Rux: We’re not going to say a damn word about this record, are we?

Skid: (steps to) How do you like that harmonica there?

Rux: I like the harmonica. That’s a nice track, actually.

Chow: It’s real nice.

Skid: Kind of reminds me of Van Diemen's Land.

Chow: (between songs) This sounds pretty good right here.

Rux: You like this part?

Chow: Oh yeah. I like this part.

-atlantic city-

Rux: They blew up the chicken man in Philly last night. What the hell is he talking about? He’s never talked about anything. Like: strap your hands across my engines… burn your palms, baby.

Skid: Didn’t Kids in the Hall do a sketch about this? The chicken man blowing up?

Rux: Probably some huge folk story, innit?

Skid: All I wanna know is who put the bullet hole in Peggy’s kitchen wall? Chicken wall.

Rux: That was me.

Chow: Who put the bomp in the bomp shoo bomp shoo bomp? Who put the baw in the bawitidaba? The Bidangidang diggy.

Rux: That was Kid Rock who put the baw in the bawitidaba dangidang diggy diggy shoo bop shoo dawidawa yippee. (and so on) There’s a lot of harmonica on this record obviously.

Skid: Alright, who’s a better harpist, Springsteen or Neil Young?

Rux: Better technically?

Skid: Well, who do you like better?

Rux: I like Neil Young better, but I don’t think he’s a better player.

Skid: So how would you like him better?

Rux: I just like his style. I just like Neil Young better. I’m coming at it from a non-purist standpoint. If you totally take it on harp playing, I might like Dylan better. But you know what? (ranting now) Neil Young is a package, dude.

Skid: But Dylan plays one note and quits. Is that what you like? Should they hit it and quit?

Rux: I like them to hit it and quit. Can I play? Can I play?

Skid: Springsteen sings better than Neil Young.

Rux: Yeah, but its different. It’s like not being able to hear one guy sing and another guy. I like Neil Young.

Skid: You like the mandolin?

Rux: I do like the mandolin.

Chow: I like Barbara Mandolin myself.

Skid: I’ve been mandlin’ for a while.

Rux: What were her sisters named? The Mandelin sisters.

Skid: You ever been hand mandeled?

Chow: I’ve been Pachelbel cannoned.

Skid: I’ve been Barry Sadlered.

Rux: But I’ve never been to me.

Chow: Is this Little Steven? Was he with Springsteen here?

Rux: I don’t think so. This is without the E Street Band I believe.

Skid: This is like the H Street Band?

Rux: F I think.

Skid: Oh, this is in preparation for H Street.

Rux: The first records were the E Street Band, weren’t they? Or was that after this?

Skid: I think it was after.

Rux: I have no idea, I’m not much of a Bruce Springsteen historian. He was younger then than he is now though. I was so much younger then. I’m younger…older than that now.

Skid: So now is he Jersey’s favorite son since Sinatra is dead?

Chow: That would be Jon Bon Jovi actually.

Rux: Bon Jovi with his comeback  making hit record making…I…I’m like in unsaid city the other day listening to unsaid radio station, and I swear to God the guy says, “We’re taking a poll as to who was the greatest band of the 80’s…U2 or Bon Jovi.” What are you talking about? And I think he was serious.

Skid: Yeah, Bon Jovi no doubt. There’s no questioning that.

-mansion on the hill-

Chow: They really did shape our times, didn’t they?

Rux: I’ll take you all to school. There’s another song with harmonica. That’s three for three. I don’t think this album is called Nebraska. It’s actually called Harmonica.

Skid: I heard they were expecting him to be the answer to Bob Dylan.

Rux: What was the question?

Skid: (shrug noise)

Rux: Bob Dylan was the question and this was the answer?

Chow: Who put the Bob in the Bob do wob doo bob? (laughter) Who put the Dylan in the dangit dingit down?

Skid: I like Dill on Rye.

Rux: Alright, let’s do the Dylan guys. Who they said was the next Dylan. Springsteen. Tom Petty. I guess that’s it. Dave Sharp. Who they didn’t say, but we sure did. Dave Sharp, call us.

Skid: Bruce Cockburn.

Rux: A little bit, yeah.

Skid: Bob Dylan.

Rux: Bob Dylan. Mmm hmm.

Skid: I think Judy Collins was the next Bob Dylan for a while.

Rux: She was never the next Bob Dylan, she was the first Bob Dylan. He got it all from her, dude.

Skid: He got IT from her?

Rux: Oh, yeah.

Skid: I heard they all got IT from her. They got penicillin for that.

Rux: Aw… we got Judy’s Collins lawyers calling us now.

Skid: Judy, call in!

Rux: We need to do our Judy call-in show.  We call it sweet Judy blue-eyes show. Stephen Stills…

Skid: Still is what?

Rux: If you’re going to give me this Neil Young/Springsteen thing…Neil Young or any member of Crosby Stills Nash?

Skid: Neil Young.

Rux: Crosby Stills Nash and Young.

Skid: C S & N and sometimes Y. They all did Judy Collins.

Rux: I’m sure. She got around. She’s a tramp.

Skid: She was open for business.

Chow: I’d kind of like a Tom Collins right now.

Rux: That’s her brother, right?

Chow: Sure.

Skid: What a good Collin response.

Rux: I’d take a Collin talk show of my own.

Chow: You think if you saw Springsteen walking down the street that you’d know who the hell he was?

Rux: Mmmm nah I don’t know.

Skid:  I think he was the pattern for Beavis.

Rux: Do yah? …uh I’m done.

Chow: I think the only way I’d recognize him is if he had that baseball cap in his back pocket.

Rux: And he had the white t-shirt rolled up and the tight jeans.

Chow: Wait, that’s not Bruce, that’s John Couger.

Skid: Yeah, I get them mixed up because they look alike. Now why’s Paul Simon have that ball cap glued to his head? Did something happen there?

Rux: He’s bald, dude.

Skid: Some industrial accident?

Rux: His wife told him he’s bald and short. She could see it all the time because she’s tall.

Chow:  She shot him with a rubber band. (laughter)

Skid: Well he is a star. Paul Simon…on.

Rux: Paul Simonon?

Skid: I saw Paul Simon on The Clash.

Rux: I saw Paul Simon on Havana 3 AM.

Chow: Anybody seen Art Garfunkel at all?

Skid: Not since he did that album with Amy Grant.

Chow: Amy Grant… Amy Grant…

Rux: What?

Skid: Fraid so.

-johnny 99-

Chow: Oh yeah, Amy Grant…

Rux: Oh, THAT album.

Chow: We going to rock down to Electric Avenue.

Rux: And then we take it higher.

Chow: That’s quite possibly Amy Grant’s finest work.

Skid: Lou Grant.

Rux: You’re thinking of Edie Grant and the New Bohemians. I like this.(finally acknowledging the song)

Skid: Why don’t they move him closer to the mike? He’s like at the end of a warehouse.

Chow: He’s starting to drive that guitar. That’s not bad.

Skid: Thinks he’s Eddie Cochran.

Rux: All of a sudden the harmonica disappears and the guitar’s there. I like this.

Skid: He thinks he’s from Memphis.

Rux: Maybe he is. Do any of us actually know he’s from NJ?

Skid: That’s what the bio says.

Rux: Bios lie. I’ve written bios for bands. You just lie through your ass to get people to think they’re the next greatest thing.

Skid: For bands that don’t even exist.

Chow: how far do you think it is from Nebraska to NJ?

Skid: A ways. A piece.

Rux: I’d say a good 1300 miles.

Skid: Down the road a piece and past where that barn used to be.

Rux: You want to take a left there and head up to that old shanty at the Johnson place. And that’s where you want to turn right.

Skid: The shanty that has “Rufus” painted on it. If you hit the one that says “Chaka Khan” you’ve gone too far.

Rux: There was a shanty we saw one day, what did it say on it? The one they tore down to put up a parking lot?

Chow: Kicked to the curb.

Rux: “Kicked to the curb,” it had painted across it. Cause I guess they made them give up their house for “progress.”

Skid: Must’ve been congress.

Rux: He’s singing outlaw rock now.

Skid: Did he do this live at Folsom Prison?

Chow: You’re thinking of Kenny Loggins.

Skid: Prism.

Rux: Prism? Let’s all play along. Grab a guitar and play along. You look kind of perplexed there Skiddy.

Skid: He’s crying. He’s so sad. How does he get through the song sobbing like that?

Chow: This is about the time he grabs the harmonica. (indeed, the harmonica is exactly on cue)

Skid: Life is a highway. I want to ride it all night long.

Rux: What were they thinking with Tommy Conwell, was he the next Bruce Springsteen?

Skid: Life is a driveway. I’m gonna…sit…in it.

Rux: For a while.

Skid: Honk the horn.

Chow: Who was the last Bruce Springsteen? Was it Eddie and the Cruisers?

Rux: That’s John Cafferty.

Skid: I think Dan Baird.

-highway patrolman-

Rux: I think Dan Baird was probably it. Yeah.

Chow: Dan Cafferty and the All Night Blues Band?

Skid: Jerry Rafferty?

Rux: The Union Gap? That Jerry Rafferty song that Shane MacGowan did just cracks me up.

Chow: Now he plays the harmonica, doesn’t he?

Rux: Shane? No, he plays the whiskey bottle.

Skid: That’s just his teeth.

Rux: His teeth!

Skid: He’s got reeds in his mouth.

Rux: This here one’s called Highway Patrolman. The next one is called State Trooper.

Skid: And after that is Deputy Sheriff. 

Rux: And after that?

Skid: I was a Marshall.

Rux: US Marshall.

Chow: Musky! See there? Deputy…Depitty Sherriff.

Rux: Depitty Sherriff.

Skid: Fester…I did. Oh wait, that’s Festus.

Rux: Festus. Cletus.

Skid: Fessed all of us.

Rux: See, he’s telling the story of the man who has to look the other way because his brother got in trouble.  He’s really tearing his heart out on this record.

Skid: It’s purdy.

Rux: This is not what I think of when I think of Bruce Springsteen. I think of Born in the USA.  How come with the recent violence in America, and all the American flags everyone’s not cranking Bruce Springsteen songs?

Chow: Oh, they are.

Rux: Are they really?

Skid: Yeah.

Rux: He’s the boss again?

Skid: They’re also cranking “Keep On Rockin’ In The Free World”…  which is some Canadian.

Rux: They’re our little brothers.

Skid: No they’re your little brothers… and they’re back in the states, arent they?

Rux: Yeah.

Skid: The old country.

Rux: There was an interesting discussion recently on the internet. Someone commented that Tony Blair said or that our president or whoever said that Britain was our truest friend. And the Canadians were mad, “We’re your truest friend.” And I was like “America is her own truest friend.” Trust no one. Trust no one, people.

Skid: Alright.  

Rux: I have many Canadian friends and family that I love dearly. But don’t ever turn your back on a Canadian.

Skid: Come back, Canada.

Chow: Call in!

Rux: All of you, Canada, call us. I think this is a pertinent time to tell you,  everyone’s got that backup plan that if you’re not married by the time you’re thirty and I’m not married by the time I’m thirty that we’ll marry each other. That type of thing?

Skid: I don’t think you have anything in writing that can prove I said that.

Rux: I’m not talking about you.

Skid: Oh, well.

Rux: My backup plan was a little Canadian girl. And I just got word from her that she is engaged to be married.  So ther’s nothing for the Rux. The Rux is going to die a lonely, bitter, impoverished man.

Skid: Quid…pro…quo. She’s lying.

Rux: Could be. She’s hot. She’s a sweetheart. (sobs) She’s marrying some guy. Some Canadian. Why would you marry a Canadian?

Chow: Guy? (laughter)

Skid: I don’t know, I don’t go in for that race mixing.

Rux: Don’t you know that they’re different there. They’re different. He’s not a french Canadian, thank God.

Skid: They’re all mounties and have butt chins.

Rux: (laughs) Back to Bruce Springsteen who is not Canadian.

Skid: Frankie and Johnny were lovers.

Rux: That wasn’t him, was it?

Skid: No.

Rux: Just checking.

Skid: No, it was Frank Sinatra and Johnny Bon Jovi.

Chow: And Joey Bishop.

Skid: Joey, we hardly knew ya. Oh wait he’s still alive, isn’t he? Rest in peace Joey Bishop, wherever you are.

Chow: Call in!

Rux: I’m done with this story. 

Skid: Why do you have a parking meter down here? (mike stand with a bag over it)

Rux: To park.

Skid: It’s got a bag over it, so there’s no parking.

Rux: I keep waiting for Janeane Garafalo to stand next to it.

Skid: I know what you’re talking about, but it doesn’t make much sense to anyone else.

Rux: No it doesn’t.

Chow: I’d like her to stand next to my fire.

Skid: I’d plug her parking meter.

Chow: I’d check her phone booth for change.

Skid: I’d run her up the flag pole and see who saluted. (confused) er…something.

Rux: I’d…do…  some dirty stuff to her.

Skid: I’d like to fuck her on the tennis court. If you know what I’m saying.

-state trooper-

Rux: (laughing) If you know what I mean.  Oh, that’s not really innuendo so much.

Chow: Yeah, you gotta get past that damn Ben Stiller first. 

Skid: Ben Stiller…

Rux: I did.

Skid: I Ben stiller than this.

Chow: That’s some nice guitar work there.

Rux: This is the State Trooper song.

Skid: Cherokee Nation.

Rux: Cherokee tribe.

Skid: Runnin Bear loved Little White Dove.

Rux: Who was that? Johnny Rivers?

Skid: Sounds about good.

Rux: No, you don’t think so?

Chow: I don’t think it was Johnny Rivers.

Rux: Johnny Horton?   

Chow: On the banks of Johnny Rivers stood a little Indian brave. (laughter) Looking for Janeane Garafalello and the goodies that she had…or sumpin.

Skid: Johnny Horton hears a who.  Johnny Horton hatches an egg.

Rux: This song is nice, actually. But it reminds me of about thirty other ones.

Skid: Well I had a little girl and she wouldn’t say quit.

Rux: Whats quid?

Skid: Quit.

Rux: Why does she have to say quit?

Skid: She wouldn’t.

Rux: Why is she supposed to? I missed it.

Skid: That’s what girls are supposed to do. Say quit. And if they don’t say quit then you keep going. 

Rux: And the next thing you know, you’re in jail. You’re going to court and they wonder what the hell you were doing. And you say “well, she didn’t say quit.”

Chow: Took a half a roll of duct tape, but she didn’t say quit. I'll tell you that.

Skid: What other songs does this…Oh my!

Rux: He’s getting agro.

Skid: Who’ll build a box for Black Paul.

Rux: It’s a blues song. Listen to it. I’ll play this, gimme a guitar.

Skid: The native American blues.

Rux: Making a train sound really poorly because you’re from Jersey and don’t know what a train sounds like.

Chow: I would imagine in Jersey they know what a train sounds like.

Rux: He’s getting all crazy.

Skid: He’s Tom Waits alla sudden.

Rux: And then the song’s gone.

Chow: He’s all the man Eddie Vedder will never be.

-used cars-

Rux: This here one’s called Used Cars.

Skid: She was licking my ice cream cone. It was dripping down her fingers.

Rux: I would lay you up against the counter like a popsicle and break you in half. And put half of you in the freezer for later.

Skid: If you know what I mean.

Rux: Huh?

Chow: Alright, who do you like better, Norm MacDonald of Michael McDonald?

Skid: Norm.

Rux: Norm.

Skid: Norm MacDonald, or Norm from Cheers?

Rux: Norm from Cheers.

Skid: Norm from Cheers or the Cheerio Bee?

Rux: Bee. Norm from Cheers.

Skid: Norm from Cheers or Norman Fell?

Chow: And I can’t get up.

Rux: Why did Norman fall?

Chow:  Norman Fell or Don Knotts?

Skid: Don Knotts.

Chow: The Ghost or Mr. Chicken?

Rux: Mr. Chicken.

Skid: The Incredible Mr. Limpit or the Incomparable Lena Horne?

Rux: The Incredible Mr. Limpit.

Chow: The Incredible Mr. Limpit or Limp Bizkit?

Rux: The Incredible Mr. Limpit. Limpit or lump it?

Skid: Lump it or Lumpy?

Rux: Lumpy.

Skid: Lumpy or Wally?

Rux: Wally.       

Skid: Wally or the Beaver?

Chow: Beaverrrrrr!

Skid: You ever notice how Beaver Cleaver could be a porn name?

Rux: Cleaver Beaver? It’d be better that way.

Skid: Full of braggadocio.

Rux: Sweet sweet braggadocio.

Skid: And vinegar.

Rux: He’s telling lots of stories on this record. Every songs a story.

Chow: He is the American storyteller.

Rux: Well he was on this record. When does James Taylor make his appearance?

Skid: Here’s a song I wrote about my love for hardcore pornography.

Rux: That was better than the commercial thing he did about here’s a song I wrote on the bottom of a dixie cup. I want to see him, I never got to see him live. But he actually tells stories like that?

Skid: Who?

Rux: Neil Diamond.

Skid: No.

Rux: Well why does everyone make fun of him like that?

Skid: It was supposed to be VH1 Storytellers.

Rux: Right. But he does it…aww I see.

Skid: He was explaining how…

Rux: On that show they tell you their ideas. (Laughing at some Chow antics) What’s up with him?

Skid: I don’t know, Chow’s left the building.  Couldn’t take the heat.

Rux: Can’t walk with the big dogs.

Skid: Well I guess that’s it for Bruce Springsteen and th…

-open all night-

Skid: Oh shit.

Rux: No this one’s called Open All Night. It’s a rocker. There’s no drums on this record.

Skid: Just the guitar.

Rux: Well… and the harmonica. I wonder if it was just him.

Skid: This is more what you expect from him.

Rux: A little more Americana sounding to you?

Skid: Yeah. (Chow returns) Had to blow off a little steam there? A little Spring steam? Springsteen or Falstaff?

Rux: Falstaff.

Skid: This song you can hear your Georgia Satellites and whatnot.

Rux: Thoroughgood.

Skid: I don’t know about thorough good, it’s pretty good.

Rux: He’s fucking thorough good baby! This is much more of what was to come. The shape of things to come.  With no Max Frost.

Skid:  He’s not my boss.

Rux: He ain’t my boss neither. Who’s your boss?

Skid: He ain’t the boss of me. Mine’s 302.

Rux: Ha…hoo…

Skid: Cruising in the back of my pank cadilac, pank cadilac filling up the sack, put it in the back.

Rux: That’s what I’m saying, he started off doing that kind of stuff. That was early Springsteen. No, the early Springsteen is the crappy song I always think is Steely Dan or something.

Skid: What was that? Like some Chris Rea number?

Rux: No no the one “break another deuce, another runner in the night” Blinded By The Light!

Skid: No no no.

Rux: That’s Springsteen.

Skid: No that’s Manfred Mann.

Rux:  No, well yeah, could be but he does it too.  On his first record.

Skid: That song just sucks.

Rux: What the…So obviously not very auspicious beginnings if he’s doing that.  Now did he write it or did they? They did it in the 60’s right? 70’s.

Skid: 70’s. But early Tom Waits was crappy too.

-my father’s house-

Rux: He probably did write it, fucking dirtbag.

Chow: Is this Simon & Garfunkel?

Rux: Yeah. He’s sitting in a railroad station. Got a ticket for a destination.  

Skid: Ah, that’s Eddy Albert. Bruce wrote “and when we kiss, ooooooh fire.” I am the God of ooooh fire.

Rux: And I bring you oooooooooh fire. But he’s done some good stuff. He did 10th Ave Freeze Out.

Skid: That’s what somebody got because they were blowing off steam in the back seat?

Rux: Yeah

Skid: Running in the backstreet, generating steam heat.

Rux: That’s very clever. (lies)

Skid: What’s the song he wrote for the Ramones that they refused? I can’t remember.

Rux: That they refused to sing?

Skid: Uh huh. So he sang it his damnself.

Rux: Born in the USA?

Skid: That’s it.

Rux: I have no idea.

Skid: Hungry heart. But then they did Poison Heart which could have been Bruce.

Rux: We can’t ask Joey, can we?

Skid: We can, I don’t think he’ll answer. Him and Frank Sinatra making beautiful music.

Rux: With Chet Atkins playing guitar. I just found out.

Skid: He broke through the treason.

Rux: I’m going to have to say that this is the best Bruce Springsteen record.

Skid: Have you heard them all?

Rux: Enough.

Skid: It’s the best one I’ve heard.

Rux: I could have this on and not want to turn it off. Most of the time after a song, I’m done.

Skid: All due respect to Clarence and Little Steven, and big Steven, and medium sized Steven.

Rux: And Super-sized Steven.

Chow: I like a super-sized.  Super-size me.

Skid: Super seize me.

Rux: Super steen me.

Skid: Soup? Or steam me?

Chow: Hmm…steam packet.

Rux: I did.

Skid: You ever do any back packing?

Rux: I reckon I should say yes to that, but I know I’m going to get a ribbing if I do.

Skid: You ever been down a manhole?

Rux: No.

Skid: Ever stuff your package in a mail slot?

Rux: No. You ever drive your rig down the highway?

Chow: Is that the name of the next song?

Rux: Riggin the Highway?

Skid: Rig down the asphalt. You ever fill a crack in the asphalt?

Chow: Using some caulking. Don’t take yer guns to town, Bruce.

Skid: Alice doesn’t live here anymore. Neither does Woody or Arlo. Hey is your dog doing some drywalling up there?

Chow:  Probably doing some dry-humping on the wall is what he’s doing up there.(laughter)

Skid: Some wall banging.

Rux: Harvey wall-banging.

Skid: Harvey’s dead!

Rux: Awwww!

Skid: Harvey was a good dog.

Rux: Harvey was a very good dog..

Skid: When I was 17, he was a very good dog.

Rux: Is somebody building shit in my house?

Skid: Yeah, your dog is building shit. Piles of it. Making pyramids in the corner.

Rux: I’ve got Tommyknockers…I did.

Chow: Tommy can you knockers?

Skid: Tommy can you hooters?

-reason to believe-

Rux: The songs just seem to end.

Chow: Thank God!

Rux: He’s telling the story, then phhhht the story’s done.

Skid: Here’s another one.

Rux: This is the last one.

Skid: They’re pretty long songs. From what I can tell. Or else they’re just dragging…the line.

Rux: A little of both.

Skid: How about Tommy James?

Rux: How about Tommy James? You’re saying Bruce Springsteen is the new Tommy James?

Skid: He’s dragging the line.

Rux: He doesn’t talk like a Jersey kid, does he? Not at all.

Skid: He thinks he’s from Texas.

Rux: The dawg git up and gawn.

Skid: What about that Pennsylvania soundtrack? That’s souther than…

Rux: Philadelphia?

Skid: …Yeah.

Rux: I never heard anything but the lead track: Streets of Philadelphia.

Skid: But that’s souther than Jersey. That was pretty ballsy, he filmed the video and just walked along and actually sang it.

Rux: (lying) Groundbreaking.

Skid: While walking through the streets of Philadelphia. With special guest star Michael Douglas. The Streets of Philadelphia, a Quinn-Martin production.

Chow: Are you sure you’re not thinking of Jan Michael-Douglas? Airwolf.

Skid: Jan Michael Vincent or Charles Bronson?

Chow: Bronson.

Rux: Bronson.

Chow: Charles Bronson or Charles Bukowski?

Skid: Bronson.

Rux:  Bukowski.

Skid: Bronson.

Rux:  Bukowski.

Skid: Bronson.

Rux:  Bukowski.

Skid: Bronson. Oh wait…I’m thinking of Ally Sheedy. That’s right.

Rux: That’s right, and don’t you forget it.  That robot from that Ally Sheedy movie or the robot from that other movie?

Skid: Huh?

Chow: Ally Sheedy.

Skid: You mean Sean Penn?

Rux: No Sean Penn’s not a robot. He’s a killing machine. Or maybe he is a robot.

Skid: Chris Penn. Wait who’s the singing brother?

Rux: Michael.

Skid: Michael Penn. He’s the robot.

Rux: When was he a robot?

Skid: On that one thing. Forever in blue jeans. If I was Romeo in green jeans. And you were Captain Kangaroo.

Rux: Hey Chow.

Chow: Yeah?

Rux: The Skid’s been eating weird stuff.

Skid: I’m hungry.

Rux: Me too. Pizza?

Chow: I’m hungry for something…corn fed.

Rux: I’m hungry for stink.

Chow: Hungry for stank.

Skid: How ‘bout them cornhuskers?

Rux: I did.

Skid: What else goes on in Nebraska?

Rux: Corn husking.

Chow: Goat roping.

Rux: I didn’t see any goats.

Chow:  They had them all roped.

Rux: We’ve been looking for ranchland, you know.

Skid: Corn holder…Do you have any corn holders, I mean? I mean to say.

Rux: Hehe…no.

Skid: You know, those little…

Rux: Things that hold the corn?

Skid: Yeah, the corn holders.

Rux: The corn holders?

Skid: I would just like to say for the record…corn holder.

Rux: I did. I done did that.

Skid: (phone rings) Oh, who would that be? Maybe it’s Dominoes asking us if we want a pizza.  Yep, that was the end of Nebraska. Right through Omaha.

Rux: There you go, Nebraska...

EMAIL Skid & Rux & Chow

 

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